I am not empty, just devoid of a meaningful emotion. I have become accustomed to saying farewell at the curb of an airport to my partner. But the realization that I am only in this exhilarating place for another three weeks did sting a little. Furthermore, I realized that I don’t really care to go “home,” as it were. While Robin and I have a house in Knoxville it is no longer our home. I find myself counting the days until law school is complete and the two of us can, again, share more than a spiritual spot in this universe.
See home is where my dogs and my partner are. Home is not some house that we piled full of crap. I need no more than a few necessities to be happy. Contentment is something that I have sought out; I’m not sure that I am always content; however, the awareness of what exactly I need to be content is a first step. Fulfillment comes not from amassing cars, or boats, or nice houses; true fulfillment, for me, comes in the form of experiences – magical, spiritual, enjoyable, difficult, challenging experiences.
At this moment in time, I’m not sure exactly where home is but I do know that for the past five days home was right where Robin and I were – a park bench at the dog park, a cozy pizza parlor on Capitol Hill, a small kitchen in NE D.C.
One learns a lot more about oneself when she is challenged, when she is forced to make decisions, when her motivations require her to swim up current, against the flow. One learns precisely what she wants and does not want, what she likes and dislikes, and most of all whom she wants to be around. In understanding this, one can march completely and confidently into the future and be decisive and honest in her decisions.
I was not given this life to just float along. Obstacles are there to overcome; challenges are there, not to put fear in my soul, but to stand as testaments that I can make a difference.
So I drove back through the D.C. morning rush hour after dropping Robin at Reagan. My initial plan was to head straight to the office but I decided to stop by the grocery store and head home to take a short nap. A much needed nap, as the past five days had been quite busy.
We tried three new D.C. restaurants while he was in town, which made me ever so happy as I love one specific restaurant and had been there twice, so this made up for me cheating on my game of eat at one new place each week. We enjoyed a nice mix of D.C. activities that are tourist, as well as native. We browsed the Eastern Market Farmer’s Market. We went to both Air and Space Museums (FYI skip the one on the mall and go to the one out by Dulles. It’s amazing and I’m not a huge fan of the Air and Space Museum.) We perused the Smithsonian Folk Life Festival. We didn’t fit in as many activities in as I had hoped; however, when it came down to it, it did not really matter what we were doing as we just thoroughly enjoyed each other’s company.
Space Shuttle Enterprise
SR-71
Folklife Festivities
For Independence Day, we tooled around D.C. on Bikeshare bicycles and chose to view the fireworks from the Jefferson Memorial. We could see firework displays from 3 different celebrations: Fairfax County, VA, Bethesda, MD, and the Park Service on the Mall. Steven had met up with us and convinced us to join him for a night cap at Old Ebbitt Grill. I’m sure there was some history lesson; however, I don’t remember it (I’m sure that was from being tired and not from the martinis). I had an amazing 4th of July. Happy Birthday, America.
Steven, Robin, and I at Old Ebitt Grill
Robin and I made our way back home. I had one little mishap and crashed into the wall on the bike path, again because I was tired and not from the martinis. But when you are on 45 lbs tanks, er, bicycles it’s a bit difficult to hurt those things, or yourself. Speaking of Capitol Bikeshare, I should state how nice this feature of D.C. is. Bikeshares are kiosks where you swipe your card and for $5 per day, $15 for 5 days, or by the hour, one can rent a bike. The cool thing is that there are bikeshares everywhere so you just ride your bike to the nearest kiosk, pull your bike in and leave it. No locks, no threat of theft and you don’t have to lug the thing around with you, or go back and pick it up when you wander too far away.
There are the tanks
The bad thing about Bikeshare is that the bikes only have 3 gears, 3 gears for a nice, slow ride, and they are heavy as crap. So when I decided that Robin and I would take the Metro to Huntington and then ride the last 6 miles to Mt. Vernon, I should have planned a bit better. First, I forgot to double check the map and it took me a minute to find the way to the Mt. Vernon greenway trail (it’s a bike/running path that runs the 18 miles from D.C. to Mt. Vernon). Second, I should have known that although our tickets for Mt. Vernon were at 12:15 that did not mean that we needed to do the 6 miles as quick as possible; we could tour the house at any time after 12:15. Third, my clown bike weighs next to nothing and has 7 gears; there is no way that Robin could keep up with me since he was on the Bikeshare tank. Fourth, the Mt. Vernon trail is less than flat; actually, it’s ridiculously hilly. For you bikers, 6 miles is not very far, I know; however, let me put you on a Bikeshare bike and see how you handle 6 miles of the end of the Mt. Vernon trail. This adventure was not for the faint of heart. Robin prevailed and a theme emerged for every time we were pedaling away on the Bikeshare tanks.
We took the bus back. From there we boarded our boat and went on a happy hour cruise on the Potomac and the Anacostia. We met a really nice couple and enjoyed cocktails while the rest of D.C. ran for cover during a horrid storm.
Cocktail Cruise
We enjoyed a great dinner at Cork Wine Bar and took the Metro home. I’m not sure that Robin knew what he bargained for when he told me to “book that shit up, baby, let’s do it all.” For I almost killed us both, we slept really well that night. So well, in fact, that we overslept and missed the reading of the Declaration of Independence at the Archives on the morning of the 4th of July.
Reading of the Declaration of Independence that we missed
It worked out though the boys got an extra dog park trip.
The smell of your skin lingers on me now
You're probably on your flight back to your home town
I need some shelter of my own protection, baby
To be with myself and center
Clarity, peace, serenity
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry
The path that I'm walkin', I must go alone
I must take the baby steps 'til I'm full grown, full grown
Fairy tales don't always have a happy ending, do they?
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Like the little school mate in the school yard
We'll play jacks and Uno cards
I'll be your best friend and you'll be mine
Valentine
Yes, you can hold my hand if you want to
'Cause I want to hold yours too
We'll be playmates and lovers
And share our secret worlds
But it's time for me to go home
It's getting late, dark outside
I need to be with myself, and center
Clarity, peace, serenity
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry
--Fergie
My hope is that he likes my sense adventure; that he understands that I have a desire to see change. My hope is that in the middle of law school crazy he can remind me that I have a higher goal, even if he does not completely understand it. My hope is that he admires the light the lies within. That he sees the same light in all humanity.
And big girls don’t cry. So I resisted the urge today. I drove away and started the count down until I see him next time.
