The dreamer within

As written on July 31, 2011.

So I arrived home.  Aside from being excited about a number of my plants growing, I didn’t exactly view it as home.  I have moved on.  I recognized the furniture and am happy to sleep in my own bed and sit in my own office chair but as far as being “home,” I am not.  I want to fall into the arms of my partner and take a big sigh.  A sigh of “I did it.”  A sigh signifying that I challenged myself and I didn’t break.  A sigh to signify how much I have changed.  And then I want to figure out how I’m going to keep everything fresh so that I don’t fall into the law school drama.  So I remember that a grade, or class rank does not determine my ability, or motivation, or determination, for that is all within.  And one thing I have figured out after a meditative drive home was that I hold a lot within myself.  For that matter we all do.

Steven and I met up today as he had a going away gift for me, and stated how much he enjoyed watching me grow and come into my own.  Well, in thinking about this, this was not the first time I have “come into my own.”  Thus, I am constantly changing and growing and figuring new things out about myself.  I’m not a dreamer that just stumbled upon this, I made decisive decisions to put me in this position and well, frankly, I’m stoked that I did.  I’m stoked that I was eager to have the experiences that I had.  I am stoked that I am not held back by some jilted lover.  I’m stoked that I can contemplate all that happened, all that I worked on, all the free things I was able to take advantage of.  And then morph that into the next step.  The next step to continue down my path.  A path with much resistance, from within myself and from the world around me.  I’ve been enlightened to a world in which I care for so deeply that I cannot help but want to shout from the roof tops: “Go and find yourself, go and find what makes you tick.  And then, go and make the world a better place.”  

 Farewell ride with Steven

I am not some young naïve twit.  I am a woman that made a choice to challenge herself while she still had an opportunity to change her future.  A woman that came out of that challenge so sure of her choices.  So utterly convinced that no matter what path I would have chosen, I would have wound up right here.  That I would be this person, with these ideas, this woman with a realistic view of the world that holds tightly to the dreamer within.  

 My last day at AWI.

I found it more appropriate to take my iconic summer photo on the steps to the office I worked in rather than at the Capitol.  After all, this is what I came here for.

Such Great Heights