Decide what to be and go be it

As written on July 22, 2011.

I have experienced nothing but support from my friends and family, even from people whom I had no idea even cared.  For the Judge had some wonderful things to say to me.  And my dear friend and spiritual compass, Katie, has reassured me that it is apparent to the world; that the energy I exude is undeniable and people crave it.  For those that see it, may not be able to put a finger on it but they want a piece.  A piece of what, I’m not sure at this time but I know I am a hell of a lot closer to that enlightenment than I was 3 months ago.  I’m thankful for a friend whom reminded me that it’s ok to crumble, that anyone would have, that she could not have done this, that she admired me. 

I have shielded my blog from a lot of the negativity that I have seen at AWI, for it’s not in my nature.  Suffice it to say that as chipper as my posts have been, those posts were chosen.  I have some really horrible posts, which I shall not air.  At AWI the people are amazing.  Loving.  Caring.  Informed.  Educated.  Tolerant.  However, the subject matters that waft through the air are difficult and I stand amazed that this group of people handle these heavy subjects, day in and day out.  It motivates me to continue.  To push through the tough stuff and rejoice in the small victories.  Change happens slowly.

I have experienced the full array of emotions since May.  I have been so angry that I sprinted through goals and deadlines as if they didn’t exist.  I have been so upset that I could not pull myself out of bed.  I have been so depressed that the only thing that made sense was to numb myself with some Jack Daniels.  I have been so happy that I stood with my eyes wide open, just breathing so as to not forget the moment, EVER.  I have been so melancholy that I wondered if people could see it on my face.

Alas, this summer I have experienced every emotion imaginable.  I wish that I could bottle them up separately and store them on a shelf.  Then in the future I could pull them off the shelf and identify what I am feeling and put it to good use.  For every emotion I have had this summer has started some action.  Every emotion has added to the spark, which I now find to be a flame in my soul.  

Yeah.  This journey called life is extraordinary.

There's a darkness upon me that's flooded in light.

My last day in D.C.

Actually, literally my last bike ride, it got folded up and put in the car immediately after this and I drove home.