The Nebulous Middle

It’s official. The Sanders-Fiore dogs are working dogs. They both made it through a day at the office. Gandalf’s day was a bit easier than Strauss’s; however, I correlate that to Gandalf being carefree and Strauss, well, being worried, constantly, about me. Not every area of the building is dog friendly so prior to my office change; I was in a different office from Gandalf or Strauss. As reported by co-workers Gandalf didn’t care, AT ALL. He slept. Strauss on the other hand, he whined and carried his jollyball back and forth between Mariko and Alessa. All in all, they both are extremely well mannered and being in this city has made it very clear to me that as much as I think they are douches, my dogs are actually pretty damn good dogs.


Yesterday, I officially took on my projects for the summer. For the most part, I can discuss them. If you ask me questions and I don’t answer you or am vague, move on. I can’t talk about it. It’s a bit peculiar to think I am involved in things I cannot discuss.

My experience here is nothing short of amazing. I find myself waking up earlier than normal, as in before 6 am. I find that I am refreshed and reinvigorated for my life. I find that I am very clear in my decisions. I find that I am pretty damn happy with who I am. I find that I just may have finally figured out that the dreadful experience of law school has made my life exponentially better. I have found that I’m not a lost soul searching, that perhaps, I just may have found my “thing.”

I walk to work and enjoy the fact that my dog trots along beside me. That the Capitol is where I head. That I am learning so much in such small amount of time. That I have come to terms with so much about my life in the past year. I enjoy that I am at home in my own skin.

In other news, my law school posted the Dean’s List today. (For those reading who are students, faculty, or staff, please take no offense about what is coming.) I read the list, knowing that I would not see my name, and it made me sick - - for a moment. And. Then. I remembered that this year was tough. This year, my world was put into a shoebox, given a good toss and then turned upside down. Dean’s List, schmean’s list. I am ever so happy that I survived this past academic year; that I came out of it with an internship in D.C; that I learned what I did from a spectacular Judge in Tennessee. That I am still sane. That I know that a number or a grade does not determine who I am. That I am aware if my grade does not fall into a certain category does not mean that I can’t make a difference or continue with my dreams. That the grade does not mar my ability, nor my self worth.

See, folks, in law school there is this thing. My dear friend, the Scientist’s Wife, coined the term with exact precision. The Nebulous Middle. Maybe it’s all those years with the Scientist. Leave it to the Scientist’s Wife to coin some phrase that I would have to “Google that shit” to make sure I knew what "nebulous" really meant.

The Nebulous Middle. If one is not at the top of the grade range, or the drastic bottom, for the most part that person is just left to figure things out. Unless you walk into the law school gushing blood from your wrists, and neck, where you slit them, with the vein rather than across, with a rusty razor blade (because that’s all you could afford), you are not getting much emotional, psychological, or moral support. And Mother, you saying “you’ll do fine. It will be ok” does not cut it in law school. Unless you have experienced it, you can’t understand. I honor the partners to law students. They tolerate our irrational, case obsessed, socially awkward, I’m-moving-away-for-the-summer, crazy ass law student behavior. I can’t speak for everyone but I know that Robin and I have grown because of this experience. See not everything in law school sucks.

So, here I am, in the Nebulous Middle with a kick ass internship doing the damn thing in D.C. I’m doing the damn thing with two dogs, and high hopes for the future. High hopes that things I help put in motion will change the world as we know it.

The Nebulous Middle ain’t so bad when you spend the day drafting documents that state and world leaders will read. Documents that affect whales, and sharks, and wild burros, and foxes, and coyotes. Or researching how the Bureau of Land Management does such a poor job of actually managing the land and its resources.

Alas, I learned more from actually having to use my head and be creative than just knowing where to go. Because while in law school you learn a lot and may think you know it all, in the practical world, you don’t know shit. And when it comes down to it, I got more done today than a fellow at GW (George Washington Law School), who is on the Dean’s List. I’ll stay right where I’m at – the Nebulous Middle.